In high school I was a fairly straight-laced kid. I did not get into trouble much – the biggest issue was me throwing a penny across the room one time, (which at my school they treated seriously). I dressed about as normal as normal is. I did not stand out much at all. After high school I started on that proverbial quest to find myself. Though I am still figuring out what I am I know what I am not.
For about a period of three years I tried changing my appearance to find myself. I tried dyeing my hair blonde (which came out red). I then went the other direction and dyed it black while letting it grow longer. Though I did not go completely gothic I started wearing darker clothes to go with the black hair. I read Edgar Allen Poe and would go around quoting lines from his writings. I also listened to music artists such as Nine Inch Nails to complete the change from straight-laced to mysterious and dark. That is how I was for a few years.
After a while, however, I realized that is not who I want to be. I did not want to be dark and enigmatic but I simply wanted to be me. I cut my hair, let it grow back to my natural color, bought new clothes that were more me. Looking back years later I know though I thought I was just being myself I was not being my best self. And that, I think, is all the difference.
I was watching a piece by NFL Films one time where they looked at the culture (societal) in which they were playing. Set in the 70s, they showed one NFL player speaking to a group of students where he said, and I paraphrase, “I walked around the Haight-Ashbury district of San Francisco and saw people strung out, drunk and high. They said they were just being themselves. What they must mean is they are being their worst selves, because they’re not being their best selves.” That has stuck with me since. Every time I hear someone use that phrase “I’m just being myself.” I cannot help but think, “Yeah, but are you being your best self?”
Just as I was not being my best self for those few years after high school I am sure many people are not being their best selves. True, finding oneself takes time and trial and error – this I know full well. And I am not saying everyone has to dress that same, think the same, act the same and be the same. I appreciate uniqueness but it needs to be genuine. Mine was not as genuine as I thought and I realize that now. In the end, however, the goal is always to push toward that better self.
Whether you are in the beginning, middle or end of that “finding yourself” stage know the goal is to achieve your best self. Inside each of use is that unique and powerful self that is not contrived or made up but rather natural. When you are out there making decisions on who you are, where you want to go, and what you want to be remember the goal is being not just yourself but your best self.
Attempt it. Chance it. Try it. Get to It!